Aries When I play I play for me. I don't need your charity.

Taurus They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch, and soon they'll grow up and resent you so much.

Gemini My skin is soapy, and my hair is wet, and Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget.

Cancer Now they’re yelling at you and you don’t know why, and you cry and you cry and you cry.

Leo I’m still waiting for my papier-mache’ man.

Virgo Smelly cat, smelly cat, it’s not your fault.

Libra Twelve years old and addicted to pork.

Scorpio You are a mystery, little black curly hair!

Sagittarius That’s right, I’m here all night, and Chandler will never get laid.

Capricorn There’ll be times when you get older, when you’ll want to sleep with people, just to make them like you.

Aquarius Crazy underwear, creepin’ up my butt. Crazy underwear, always in a rut.

Pisces As long as you have brainwaves, I’ll be there to hold your hand. Though we just met the other day.